"Honor your father and mother" (this is the first commandment with a promise), "that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land."
— Ephesians 6:2–3
I remember when I was younger and my grandparents were put into nursing facilities.
It was a necessity in every case. They needed 24 hour care from nursing staff. The burden of caring for them could no longer be carried by their spouses (or their spouses had passed away so they had no one else in close enough proximity).
But the more I grow up in my understanding of the Bible, the more I ask the question… was it really a necessity? Or was that just me defaulting to easy mode?
This is not to try and play armchair quarterback for the past. Decisions were made in real time that everyone thought was for the best. Yes and amen.
Rather, what I'm after is building the future.
The First Command With a Promise
There is a Christian obligation to honor your mother and father, and it is directly connected to a blessing — in fact Paul even remarks that it's the first command connected to a promise in Ephesians. "That you may live long in the land." Or in other words, that my promises to you may be fulfilled.
God's promises being fulfilled … is directly connected … to us honoring our lineage.
That's wild.
And if you think about it for a moment, it makes complete sense. Despite how hard it may fly in the face of our "modern sensibilities."
Families Are Made to Work Together
When a mother has a new baby one thing that the new parents both realize quickly is that they need backup. I remember my wife and I being sent home with our firstborn and thinking, "they just gave us this kid and we have no idea what we're doing!"
Enter the grandparents. Grandmothers sweep in during times like this and provide coaching, mentoring, and care for mom and the newborn while they both recover from the work of labor and delivery. Grandfathers assuring the dad, "this is normal, you're going to make it."
Even the simple act of helping with meals and cleaning the house is a tremendous blessing in those times.
You see, that's the way — I am arguing — that families are made to work.
Locally Geographical and United in Mission
Families are intended to be locally geographical and united in mission.
"That you may live long in the land," are words of a blessing. In other words, the Bible assumes "good" is when we are localized over time, when we are committed to a particular place over generations.
The exception to the rule is someone moving away, but today this has become the norm.
The networking and accumulated influence and resources of a family who has committed themselves to a particular place over the course of generations is near incalculable.
Honoring your father and mother, that you may live long in the land.
Think of every successful family over the course of generations, and if you do I think you'll find that the majority of them stayed together. They stayed close. They were committed to being in a particular area and doing a particular work together.
They lived long in the land, because they honored their fathers and mothers.
Don't Farm It Out
And part of that is taking responsibility for the sunset years of your parents and grandparents.
Don't farm that out. Commit to them. Care for them. Build second homes for them in your backyard. Attach another bedroom. Buy the lot next door.
Figure it out. Hire a nurse if you need one. Work hard and spend less and keep your wife home so she can help care for them too. Teach your children that they are a part of this, involve them in their life directly.
Stay close.
Enjoy Them
And more importantly… enjoy them. The generational wealth of the stories and experiences they can tell is worth far more than the money you'll spend on a second home. Eat with them, laugh with them, live life with them. All of which you can tap so much easier when they live next door.
Enjoy the good restraint God has placed on your life when you have to travel less to be able to be with them. What a good gift. Capitalize on it. Invest into your children by caring for your parents. Honor them, so that your kids can live long in the land.
Something I say often is that I want to die with my grandchildren surrounding my bed, singing me into glory.
Your parents and grandparents want that too.
Fight to give it to them.
Honor your fathers and mothers in this specific way, and the Lord will make you live long in the land.
